A mother's scar
By Pia
How to be a mother or a father when you’re miles away from your kids? How do you take part in your child’s life if you choose to migrate? Does leaving your children behind make you an irresponsible parent? For an OFW parent like me, these were the questions I struggled to answer.
Being a parent comes with huge responsibilities – we are the guide and the light for our kids. But for migrant workers, the role becomes even more challenging. We are often puzzled by our choices – did we make the right decision to leave? To migrate, to work away from our kids, away from our families?
My name is Pia, a mother to three lovely kids. I was born in Manila but raised in Bicol. I was a product of a broken family; my parents separated when I was in second grade. Our mother left us, for reasons we may never know.
Growing up, I always felt something was missing. Though our father tried his best to compensate for our mother’s absence, I still carried a sort of emptiness inside me. It is true that in every broken family, children tend to carry the burden through to adulthood.
Today, all of my siblings have rebuilt their lives and raised their own families. I myself am also married with three kids. But why does my childhood still affect me? My mother’s decisions keep barging around in my head; why do I fear I might follow in her footsteps and make the same mistakes that she did?
"We are often puzzled by our choices – did we make the right decision to leave? To migrate, to work away from our kids, away from our families?"
On June 22, 2018, I took a flight from Manila to Hong Kong. It was my first time to travel overseas – not for a vacation, but to start life as a domestic worker. I came to this decision because my husband was unable to financially support our growing family.
I was totally unaware of what was waiting for me here in Hong Kong. I felt scared, but I was able to overcome that fear. I was one of those lucky migrant workers who landed a job with a very nice employer. I was so blessed that my employer was not just concerned about my future, but most importantly, about the future of my kids as well. That consoled me a lot.
I decided to work abroad in the hope that I could meet all of my family’s needs, but why is it that sometimes I still feel I am not doing the right thing? Sometimes there are moments when I realise that I’m not doing my part as a mother. Why does the memory of my own mother leaving us behind, remind me of what I am doing to my own family now? Why do I feel that I’m letting my kids suffer, in the same way that I did all those years ago?
As a mother, it is our role to light our children’s way, our responsibility to make sure they are walking the right path. But being an OFW, we can’t be a mother in the way that our children deserve. It’s hurting them, as much as it’s hurting us. It is tearing us apart, and breaking them in ways we can’t imagine, or fully understand. We are their light, so when we are not around, they have to use a candle. It can guide them, but it doesn’t shine as brightly as the light that a mother can offer.
But we have no choice. When we make the decision to become migrant workers, leaving our families is already a given. We have chosen this path, so we have to learn to suppress all of our self-doubt. We can’t be a parent in the way our children need us to be.
For now, we can work towards our objectives. Focus on building our savings and becoming financially stable, so we can go back home for good. When planning our goals, we must set ourselves a time horizon for achieving them; we should be goal oriented, so we can still be part of our children’s lives, before they enter adulthood. Childhood is an integral part of a person’s life; as a parent, we have to impart our wisdom on them and teach the right lessons, so that in the future, they will become good parents too.
As for me, the scar that my mother has left is still beneath my facade. I feel it more than ever since becoming a mother myself. Growing up, I never understood how a mother could leave her kids. And now I’m a mother as well, it’s even harder for me to justify what she did. Only time will tell when will this scar be healed. I am hoping soon. But how?
Blogs by
9dde49c3be6bac6166d59fb7abf39532)
