Who deserved to be called

By Pia21 on 11th Jan 2020


How to be a mother or a father when you're miles away from your kids? How to take part on your child's life if you prefer to migrate? Does leaving your kids makes you an irresponsible parents? This were the questions, an OFW parents like me ,struggling to answer. Sometimes even in ourselves we were puzzled if we had chosen the right decision. The decision to migrate, to work away from kids away from our family.


I’m Pia, a mother of three lovely kids. I was born in Manila but raised Bicolana. I was a product of a broken family.my parents separated way back when i was in grade 2. Our mother left us, for some reason I’m still not aware till now.


Growing up, I always felt something's missing. Though our father tried his best to fill in the absence of our mother, still  there's some sort of emptiness within me. It is true that in every broken family, children tend to carry the burden till their adulthood. As of today all of my siblings already build their own family. I myself  was also married with three kids. But why does my childhood still affects me? Why does my mother 's mistake keep bulging in my head? Why do i fear of making the same mistake as she did?


June 22,2018: I take the plane for my flight from Manila to Hongkong. It was my first time to travel overseas, not for a vacation but to work as a domestic helper. I come to this decision, being a migrant worker, for the reason that my husband cannot fully compensate the expenses of our growing family.


At first i was sceptical of what was waiting for me here in Hongkong. But i was able to overcome my fears within. I might say that i was one of those lucky migrant workers who landed a job on a very nice employer. I was so blessed that my employer was not just concerned on my future but most importantly on my kids as well.  And that's console me a bit.


I decided to work abroad on the hope that i can sustain all of my family needs, but why is it that sometimes i felt i was not doing the right thing. There were moments when i realized that i was not playing my part as a mother. Why does the memory of my mother leaving us behind, reminding me that i was doing the exact thing now. Why do i  sense that i was letting my kids undergo the same sufferings as mine.


As a mother our role was to light our children's way, it's our responsibility to make sure that they're walking the right path. But in our case, being an OFW, we can't be a mother the way our children deserves. And it’s hurting them, as much as its hurting us. But we have no choice, choices was already given before we decided to migrate. We have chosen this path, so we have to learn to surpass all of our self-doubts.


For now as we can't be a parent, the way our children needs us.  Let's just focus on our goals. To save and be financially stable, so we can go back home for good. Prior to our goals we must also set time horizon on achieving it. We should be goal oriented so that we can still be part of children's life before they enter adulthood. Because childhood is part of a person's  life wherein we  have to impart ourselves as a parent. So that in the future they'll become a better one as well.


As for me, the scar my mother left was still beneath me. I felt it more now that i become a mother. Growing up i never understand how can a mother left her kids. And now I'm a mother as well, it's much harder for me to justify what she had done. Only time will tell, when will this scar be healed.  But for now, for me my mother will never be my "mama".