THERE ARE QUITE a few things in my mind, but I have nothing to write. I cannot seem to write a single sentence – at least, nothing sensible. Like now. Yes, right now. You may notice you’re almost at the end of this paragraph, but you’re yet to read anything coherent – nothing that is worthy of reading.
But wait! Why don’t I simply write anything that comes to my mind? Ok, perhaps not quite anything, or this might be my last article for Pangyao magazine, before they ban me forever (see, I told you there is forever… nasagot na ang tanong na “May forever nga ba?“). Ok, that still doesn’t make much sense, so let’s get started…
Civil status: Complicated
My reaction to this? ‘NGEK!!” I often see this on Facebook and job application forms (no kidding!) when asked about one’s civil status. I only understand these four choices: single, married, separated, divorced. But what the heck is complicated?
Does it mean you’ve separated from your spouse and now have a new one, but your former spouse is still paying the bills? Does it indicate that you’re married, but want to marry another person again? Does it suggest that you’re single, but you’re divorced from reality?
What is complicated? It confuses people; it complicates matters.
Back and forth
I have asked a few friends whether they’ve already bought their holiday air tickets, following the long pandemic-induced travel drought. “Yes,” they reply excitedly, “back and forth na.”
Why do we say ‘back’ first? Should we go back first and then go forward? Why can’t we say, ‘forth and back’? It puzzles me. If it were up to me, I’d prefer to just say, “Round trip na.”
An apple a day
We used to have this simple quote, ‘An apple a day keeps the doctors away’. Well, really?
Nowadays, some apples do not seem to rot; if you keep them in the fridge, you’ll find them still looking fresh weeks later. I wondered why, until I found out that some of them are sprayed with wax to keep their appearance fresh, despite the fact they might already be rotten inside.
Waxed-rotten apples, hmmm. Whoever came up with this idea had already destroyed the ‘apple a day’ quote. Though do you know what can really keep the doctors away? Not an apple. No, not even banana. It’s… healthy lifestyle.
Sap Man
I go to the market now and then. Here in Hong Kong, there are always tumpok (a collection of things) on the vendors’ booths (naks, booths daw… pwesto yon) – such as vegetables, fruits, even plates of seafood – that usually cost sap man, or HKD 10, each.
So whenever I ask, “géidō chin?” (how much is this?), I always expect to hear, “sap man”. But sometimes I make a mistake, as I don’t hear the ng between sap and man. Sap ng man is fifteen dollars, not ten, so I have to open my wallet again.
If someone ever asks me who my favourite superhero is, I’ll tell them it’s not Batman; it’s not Superman, it’s not even Spiderman. It’s… Sapman.
Oxymorons
I used to ignore this, but since Maginoong-Bastos became a hit several years ago, I had a penchant for remembering some other oxymorons and quoting them during appropriate occasions. I heard and read them in the corners of Manila. A few that I can’t forget are: dukhang-sosyal, malanding-mahiyain, diretsong-kuba, beteranong-bagito, mayamang-gipit, mahinhing-talipandas, mambobosong-bulag… and my favourite: seksing-chubby (not really an oxymoron, but let’s include it anyway).
Alright, that’s it at this point. I still have more things in my mind, but I’ll mix them up first and see if I can come up with a short novel for our next conversation. If you have things in your mind, write them down too. Who knows, you might even create a theme for a new Korean telenovela.
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